Quick answer
A gratitude journal can make you feel worse when it makes it seem as if only gratitude is allowed, with prompts that feel boring and repetitive. If you can't feel grateful straight away, or can't think of something on the spot, it can leave you feeling like an ungrateful person. That is absolutely not the case. Every emotion is allowed, and every one is human, and a gratitude journal should make room for all of them. Psychotherapist Carrie Pollard puts it plainly: when gratitude is forced, “it leaves us feeling worse, not better.”
Carrie Pollard, MSW RSW, experienced psychotherapist. Read her review alongside the rest
No forced positivity. Every feeling is welcome.
On this page: Exactly why it backfires When it's most likely to Five gentler ways to write A gentler journal Frequently asked questions
You did the thing everybody recommends, and it made you feel worse. I believe you.
You are not alone, and it isn’t a sign that you’re ungrateful, negative or bad at self-care.
About this guide. I’m Rachel Smith, a qualified meditation teacher (DipBSoM). This exact experience is a big part of why I ended up making journals, and I mention mine further down. Everything clinical on this page is in the words of named, credentialed experts.
Why a gratitude journal can make you feel worse, step by step
Most gratitude journals are built around one shape. Three numbered lines, the same question every day.
Three things I am grateful for today...
1. ________________
2. ________________
3. ________________
Here is what that does on a hard day, and it happens fast enough that most people never see the middle of it.
- The page asks for three good things. Not one, not “if any come to mind”. Three, numbered, with the lines already drawn.
- Nothing arrives. Or something arrives and immediately feels too small to be worth writing, which is the same thing.
- Your mind explains the silence. This is the part that does the damage, because the explanation is never “this format doesn't suit today”. It is “other people manage this”, or “I must be an awful, ungrateful person”.
- Now you have a second problem. You started the evening struggling, and you have finished it struggling and privately convinced you are ungrateful about it.
That is my own experience, more or less word for word. I would look at those blanks, not be able to fill them in, and my mind would decide to tell me I was an awful, ungrateful person who obviously should be able to think of amazing things. Guess what? The idea of that didn't help. I wrote about it properly here.
The prompt did not just fail to help. It produced new evidence for the case against you, and it did it in your own handwriting.
What a psychotherapist says about forced gratitude
I am not a therapist, so I would rather you heard this from one. Carrie Pollard is an experienced psychotherapist who reviewed The 30-Day Gratitude Journal, and she describes the mechanism better than I can.
Carrie Pollard, MSW RSW
Experienced psychotherapist, mom and avid journaler
Read Carrie's full review →“Practicing gratitude is a way to bring balance and perspective to life—it helps us recognize the gifts, glimmers and simple things that make life feel better. However, when gratitude is forced, diminishes difficulties, or triggers guilt or shame (e.g., ‘I should be grateful, look at all I have’) it leaves us feeling worse, not better.”
“It leaves us feeling worse, not better.” Written by a licensed psychotherapist, about the exact thing that brought you to this page. Whatever else you take from today, take that: a professional who does this for a living regards what happened to you as a known effect of a format, not a flaw in you.
Why this doesn't mean you're ungrateful
First: you don't have to feel grateful all the time. Psychotherapist Amy Morin says it plainly: “you don't have to be grateful all the time.” Finding gratitude hard during a difficult stretch isn't a moral failing. It's a sign of how much you're carrying.
Amy Morin, LCSW, psychotherapist and international bestselling author, in her article How gratitude changes your brain, health and relationships
Second: writing is not automatically good for you. When I asked three clinical psychologists about journaling for the blog, one of them was careful to say so directly, and I have kept it on the site ever since because it is more useful than a compliment would have been.
Dr Andreas Comninos
PhD Clinical Psychologist and EMDRAA Accredited Practitioner, with over 15 years of experience
Read three clinical psychologists on journaling →“…certain types of journaling, such as writing about challenging experiences, may stir up strong emotions. It is important to approach intense journaling with care and kindness towards yourself…”
And Dr Chris Irons, a clinical psychologist specialising in Compassion Focused Therapy, adds the part that explains why the damage lands where it does.
Dr Chris Irons
Clinical psychologist and specialist in Compassion Focused Therapy, co-director of Balanced Minds
Read Dr Irons in full →“…Sadly, our self-critic often has a very narrow, and by definition negative, view on us and our life that is often associated with higher levels of psychological distress, anxiety and shame.”
Put those together and you have your answer. A rigid gratitude prompt hands the pen to your self-critic and then asks it to write something positive. It will not. It will write about you instead.
When gratitude journaling is most likely to backfire
Not always, and not for everyone. But reliably in these four situations, and if you are in one of them the timing explains a great deal.
When you're grieving. Being asked to count blessings while you are missing someone can feel like being asked to move on before you are ready. Gratitude and grief can eventually sit together, but not on a schedule set by a notebook.
When you're burnt out. Burnout already involves a sense of not doing enough. Adding a nightly task you can fail at, however small, lands on exactly the wrong nerve.
When you're depressed. When you're low, good things can feel out of reach, however hard you look. The difficulty belongs to your mood, but it's easy to read it as proof of something about your character.
When your circumstances are actually hard. Sometimes the reason gratitude feels forced is that the situation is legitimately bad. Gratitude is not a lie you should be able to tell more convincingly. If it is not there today, that is information about your week, not about you.
There is more on toxic positivity in journaling here, and more on why gratitude journaling feels hard here.
Five gentler ways to write when gratitude feels forced
All of these work in a notebook you already own. None of them require you to feel anything you don't.
Swap feeling grateful for simply noticing
Gratitude is a feeling, and you cannot summon a feeling on demand. Noticing is an action, and you can always do an action. Noticing has an answer on every single day of your life, including the worst ones.
Try: What did I notice today that I wouldn't have if I hadn't looked?
Ask what helped, even slightly
On a hard day, “what helped, even slightly?” is answerable when “what am I grateful for?” is not. A warm drink. A text back. Getting into bed. This is still gratitude, it is just gratitude that has been allowed to acknowledge the day was hard.
Try: What helped, even a tiny bit, today?
Let it be small, and let it be specific
“My family” is the same answer every night and stops meaning anything by Thursday. “The way she said my name when I got in” is different every night, and it is the specificity that does the work, not the size of the thing.
Try: One small specific thing, and one sentence about why it landed.
Let both things be true on the same line
This is the one that changes everything. “I loved the walk, but I still feel low.” Both halves are true. A journal that only accepts the first half is asking you to edit your own life, and editing is exhausting.
Try: Write the good thing. Then write the honest “but”. Leave both.
Skip the day, and don't record the skip
If nothing comes, close it. The practice is noticing, not producing, and there will be days when the honest outcome of noticing is that today was bleak. A journal with dates will show you that gap forever. One without dates will not remember, which is exactly why undated matters so much here.
Try: Nothing. Genuinely. Tomorrow is fine.
And one honest caveat. If you are in acute grief or deep depression right now, gratitude journaling may simply not be the right tool this month, in any format, including mine. That is not a failure of nerve. It is a sensible piece of self-knowledge, and putting the notebook down until later is a legitimate decision. Please do talk to your GP or a professional if things are heavy. If you're struggling right now, you can call Samaritans free on 116 123, day or night.
A gratitude journal that helps you feel better, not worse
I should tell you that The 30-Day Gratitude Journal is mine, and why it exists. I couldn't find a gratitude journal that didn't hand me three numbered lines and the same question every night, so I made one with everything above already built in.
💬 30 different prompts🗓️ Undated🎧 Guided meditation
- A different thoughtful prompt each day, so it never becomes the same three things
- Prompts for hard days, so gratitude never asks you to pretend
- Undated, so a skipped day leaves no gap behind it
- One day is a guided gratitude meditation I recorded, instead of writing at all
Premium 120gsm paper, luxury textured cover, made in the UK and sustainably sourced.
Rather than describe it further myself, here is the second half of Carrie Pollard's review, where she says what she found it actually does.
Carrie Pollard, MSW RSW
Experienced psychotherapist, on The 30-Day Gratitude Journal
Read Carrie's review in full →“…Give Yourself Kindness’ journal creates intentional, permission-giving space for our feelings, worries and struggles while noticing things that bring joy, comfort, laughter, hope and connection from the past and present. As an experienced therapist, mom and avid journaler, I’ve found this journal to balance mindfulness (encouraging us to be in the moment), validation (of ALL our feelings), compassion (connecting with what we need), and of course, gratitude.”
“Permission-giving space for our feelings, worries and struggles.” That is the difference between this and three numbered lines, described by someone with no reason to be generous about it.
A different question each day, and room for the days that are hard.
Discover The 30-Day Gratitude Journal →
If gratitude tends to turn into one more thing to get right, The Give Yourself Kindness Journal might suit you better. It's the self-compassion journal recommended by Harvard and Oxford psychologists. It helps you understand your emotions and respond to yourself with kindness instead of criticism. It also includes gratitude every day, held gently alongside harder feelings rather than instead of them.
Carrie Pollard, MSW RSW
Experienced psychotherapist, on The Give Yourself Kindness Journal
Read what therapists and clinical psychologists say →“…The Give Yourself Kindness journal is a steady guide in this process. It helps you: name and process your emotions, identify what you need to cope and/or problem-solve, balance the acknowledgment of the hurt and suffering with gratitude and comfort, and give yourself the same compassion you would a loved one.”
Discover The Give Yourself Kindness Journal →
Either journal is a companion alongside professional support, never a substitute for it.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal for a gratitude journal to make you feel worse?
Yes, it's normal for a gratitude journal to make you feel worse, and it can happen most to people who are already struggling, often the people most likely to have been told to try one. Psychotherapist Carrie Pollard describes it plainly: when gratitude is forced, diminishes difficulties, or triggers guilt or shame, ‘it leaves us feeling worse, not better.’ The usual cause is a rigid format that asks for positive answers on days when the truthful answer isn't positive.
Does this mean I'm an ungrateful person?
No, finding a gratitude journal hard doesn't mean you're an ungrateful person. Struggling to feel grateful during a hard stretch is part of being human under strain, not a character trait. You can be deeply grateful for many things and still be unable to list three of them on demand at half past ten on a bad Tuesday.
Should I stop journaling altogether?
You don't necessarily need to stop journaling altogether, but it might help to change the question. “What did I notice?” or “What helped, even slightly?” are answerable on any day, where “What am I grateful for?” is not. If writing of any kind is consistently leaving you worse than it found you, that is worth pausing on and worth mentioning to a professional.
What's the difference between gratitude and toxic positivity?
The difference between gratitude and toxic positivity is whether the hard feeling is allowed to stay. Gratitude notices something good and lets it sit alongside whatever else is true. Psychotherapist Amy Morin explains that ‘It's when people try to be grateful at the expense of denying that they feel bad it becomes more like toxic positivity.’ More on that in my guide to toxic positivity in journaling.
Can gratitude journaling work when you're grieving?
Gratitude journaling can work when you're grieving, but eventually, gently, and not on a schedule set by a notebook. Early on, being asked to count blessings can feel like being asked to move on before you are ready. If that is where you are, the honest answer is that this may not be the month for it, and that is a reasonable thing to decide.
Are all gratitude journals the same format?
No, gratitude journals are not all the same format. Many use a repeated daily list, usually three items, often with dates. Others use a different prompt on each page and no dates at all. The second kind removes both of the things that cause the problem described on this page, which is why it is worth checking the inside of a journal rather than the cover before buying.
Is there a gratitude journal that doesn't do this?
Yes, there are gratitude journals that don't do this: look for undated pages, a different prompt on every page, and at least some prompts that don't require you to feel good. The 30-Day Gratitude Journal is mine, is built that way, and has been reviewed by psychotherapist Carrie Pollard. This page compares gratitude journals more widely if you would rather look around.
What if gratitude journaling feels fake or forced?
If gratitude journaling feels fake or forced, the format may be asking for a feeling you don’t have that day. Psychotherapist Carrie Pollard notes that when gratitude is forced, ‘it leaves us feeling worse, not better.’ The 30-Day Gratitude Journal doesn’t ask you to be positive. No forced positivity. Every feeling is welcome, and there are prompts for hard days.
Should I choose The 30-Day Gratitude Journal or The Give Yourself Kindness Journal?
Choose between The 30-Day Gratitude Journal and The Give Yourself Kindness Journal by what you want most. Want to feel more grateful? Start with The 30-Day Gratitude Journal: 30 days, a different thoughtful prompt each day, no lists of three. Want to be kinder to yourself? Choose The Give Yourself Kindness Journal, the self-compassion journal recommended by Harvard and Oxford psychologists, which helps you understand your emotions and respond to yourself with kindness instead of criticism. It also includes gratitude every day. They’re different practices, so they work well together.
Continue reading
From the psychologists and therapists quoted here
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The benefits of journaling, from 3 clinical psychologistsDr Chris Irons, Dr Andreas Comninos and a colleague
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How gratitude changes your brain, health and relationshipsAmy Morin, LCSW, Psychotherapist
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What mental health experts say about the journalsCarrie Pollard, MSW RSW, and other therapists and clinical psychologists
Related guides
- Why it's okay to find gratitude hard sometimes
- Toxic positivity in journaling: what actually helps
- Why gratitude journaling feels hard, and what to do
- How to write a gratitude journal every day
- What is a gratitude journal?
- 50 things to be grateful for
- A journal for someone who always gives up
- Best gratitude journals compared
