Quick answer
Toxic positivity in journaling is when a journal asks you to stay positive no matter how you actually feel, most often through a fixed “three things I'm grateful for” list with no room for a hard day. Psychotherapist Amy Morin, LCSW, puts it simply: "It's when people try to be grateful at the expense of denying that they feel bad it becomes more like toxic positivity."
Amy Morin, LCSW, psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Read her article on gratitude
If a journal has left you feeling worse, that isn't a failing on your part. It's the format.
No forced positivity. Every feeling is welcome.
If a journal has ever left you feeling worse, you're not alone, and you're in the right place. Hard feelings deserve a place on the page too.
About this guide. I'm Rachel Smith, a qualified meditation teacher (DipBSoM, British School of Meditation, passed with distinction) and the founder of Give Yourself Kindness. I'm not a psychologist or a therapist. Everything clinical or research-based on this page is attributed to named, credentialed people, with a link to their full article, so you can read their words for yourself.
What is toxic positivity, exactly?
Toxic positivity is the pressure to stay upbeat regardless of what you're actually experiencing, to the point that difficult emotions get minimised, dismissed, or treated as something to fix rather than feel. It's different from healthy optimism. Optimism makes room for hard feelings and looks for what might help. Toxic positivity skips straight past the hard feeling and demands a silver lining, whether or not one is honestly there yet.
It often sounds like: “everything happens for a reason,” “good vibes only,” “just focus on the positives.” Usually well-meaning, but the effect is the same. It tells you the feeling you're actually having is the wrong one.
How toxic positivity shows up in journaling
Toxic positivity shows up in journaling when the format only has room for positive answers. Journaling has a reputation as an unambiguously good habit, so it's easy to assume any journal will help. In practice, some of the most popular journal formats are built almost entirely around forced positivity, and for a lot of people, that's exactly why journaling hasn't worked.
- The “three things” gratitude list. Blank lines, every single day, expecting three genuine reasons for gratitude on demand. On a hard day, this doesn't feel neutral. It can feel like evidence that you're failing at being grateful.
- “Choose happiness” style prompts. Framing your mood as a decision skips over the fact that some days, happiness isn't a switch you can flip, and being told it is can feel dismissive of what you're going through.
- No space for the hard stuff. Many gratitude and positivity-focused journals simply don't have anywhere to put a difficult emotion. If the only available prompt is “what went well today,” there's nowhere for “today was hard” to go.
None of this means gratitude practice itself is the problem. Gratitude, done well, has real research behind it, and I'll come to that below. The issue is specifically the forced, no-exceptions version of it.
Why forced positivity backfires (what's actually happening)
Forced positivity can backfire because of which part of you ends up doing the writing. Clinical psychologist Dr Chris Irons, a specialist in Compassion Focused Therapy, explains that it matters whether a calm, caring part of you is holding the pen, or a fearful or self-critical one.
Dr Chris Irons
Clinical Psychologist specialising in Compassion Focused Therapy | Many years in the NHS, now co-director of Balanced Minds
"Journalling can be a powerful way of developing self-reflection, self-discovery and enhancing emotion regulation.
However, from a Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) point of view, it’s useful to consider which part of ourselves is doing the journalling…
For example, it could be that it’s a fearful part of you that is writing, or an angry or self-critical part. And although it’s understandable that this might happen, how helpful might it be if it is our self-critic journalling?"
What this means for toxic positivity: when a prompt asks for a feeling you don't have, the part of you that answers is rarely the calm, reflective one. It's often the part that's anxious about getting it “right”. And if the lines stay blank, that part can quickly turn on you.
Read Dr Irons' full article: The benefits of journaling, from 3 clinical psychologists →Clinical psychologist Dr Annabelle Kyle Dortch explains what self-criticism does to your nervous system:
Annabelle Kyle Dortch, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, Los Angeles | Specialises in life transitions, relationships, stress, anxiety and the impacts of trauma
Read Dr Dortch's full article: Why self-compassion works better than self-criticism →"Whether it is coming from ourself or someone else, our mind-body system perceives criticism as a threat, activating our stress response.
…Bottom line: When we engage in self-criticism, we create a nervous system and brain state that is not conducive to learning or facilitating a growth-oriented mindset."
Put simply: if a journal leaves you criticising yourself for not feeling grateful enough, it can set off that same stress response. You might close it more stressed than when you opened it, and quietly decide that journaling “doesn't work for you,” when what didn't work was that particular format.
Genuine gratitude practice vs. toxic positivity
The difference between genuine gratitude and toxic positivity isn't whether a journal mentions gratitude. It's whether the format leaves room for the truth alongside it.
Toxic positivity
- “List three things you're grateful for” every day, no exceptions
- Hard days go unmentioned, or feel like a failure to complete the page
- Positivity is the goal, whether or not it's honest
- Leaves you feeling like you're bad at being grateful
Genuine gratitude practice
- Varied prompts that invite curiosity, not a fixed quota
- Explicit permission for gratitude to feel difficult sometimes
- Honesty is the goal; gratitude is one part of the picture, not the whole of it
- Leaves you feeling like your actual experience was allowed to exist
Psychotherapist Amy Morin, who writes about the science of gratitude, adds a word of caution of her own:
Amy Morin, LCSW
Psychotherapist, international bestselling author and host of the Mentally Stronger podcast
Read Amy's full article: How gratitude changes your brain, health and relationships →"…one last word of caution about gratitude. It shouldn't be about minimizing uncomfortable emotions.
…It's really important to let yourself feel all of those emotions."
Gratitude itself isn't the problem. In the same article, Amy Morin highlights a study by Dr Robert Emmons at UC Davis which found that “keeping a gratitude journal leads to a 25% increase in happiness,” and notes that “gratitude improves sleep quality.” The research is behind gratitude that's genuine, not gratitude that's forced.
Is your journal making you feel worse? A quick checklist
Your journal may be making you feel worse if it leaves you dreading it, repeating yourself, or feeling guilty on hard days. If you recognise more than one or two of these, it's the format that needs to change, not you:
- You dread opening it because you're not sure you'll have a “good enough” answer
- You've written the same three things several days in a row because nothing else came
- You feel a flicker of guilt or failure on hard days, specifically because of the journal
- You've stopped using it and quietly assumed journaling “isn't for you”
- You never have anywhere to put a difficult feeling, only good ones
If that sounds familiar, the next section is a gentler way to write on the days positivity isn't there.
What to write in your journal on a hard day
On a hard day, write what's true first, write it from the kindest part of you, and let gratitude be optional. These three steps come from the psychologists and therapists quoted on this page. You can stop after any one of them. One honest sentence is a complete entry.
Name what's true, including the hard part
Start with how today actually was, in plain words. Dr Dortch describes the first doorway into self-compassion as “mindfully observing your internal experience (without minimizing or exaggerating it).” You're not fixing anything yet. You're just letting the page hear it.
Today was hard. I feel tired and a bit flat.
I'm anxious about tomorrow, and that makes sense.
From Dr Annabelle Kyle Dortch's article, Why self-compassion works better than self-criticism
Write from your kinder side
Then write back to yourself the way you'd write to a friend who'd had the same day. Dr Irons describes Compassionate Letter Writing, a common exercise in Compassion Focused Therapy, where “we learn and practice how to write to ourselves about things that we might be struggling with, offering validation, empathy, understand and support.” It might feel strange at first. That's normal.
That sounds like a lot to carry. It makes sense that you're tired.
You got through today. That took something.
From Dr Chris Irons' article, The benefits of journaling, from 3 clinical psychologists
Let gratitude be optional
If something good is there too, you can add it, with both halves on the page. Amy Morin says you “can still be sad… while also being grateful at the same time.” And if nothing comes today, that's allowed: “If you aren't feeling grateful sometimes, you don't have to force it.”
If you'd like gratitude questions that still work on a bad day, I've gathered some in what to write in a gratitude journal on a hard day.
From Amy Morin's article, How gratitude changes your brain, health and relationships
When to look for more support
If journaling keeps leaving you feeling worse, or things have felt heavy for weeks, it's worth talking to someone. Dr Dortch notes that learning to respond to your inner critic “is hard work and requires lots and lots of practice,” and that “it can be really helpful to have the support of a therapist”. In her words: “You do not have to go through this alone!”
Please consider speaking to your GP or a therapist. That's the kinder move, not a failure. A journal is a gentle companion alongside professional support, never a replacement for it. If you're struggling right now, you can call Samaritans free on 116 123, day or night.
Why writing kindly can be hard on your own
Writing kindly can be hard on your own because the voice that shows up first is often the critical one, and finding a kinder one takes practice. That isn't a failing. Professor Willem Kuyken of the University of Oxford names this in his review of my journals.
Professor Willem Kuyken, PhD, DClinPsy
Ritblat Professor of Mindfulness and Psychological Science, University of Oxford | Listed by Web of Science in the top 1% of the most cited scientists in the world
Read Professor Kuyken's review alongside the rest →"…Writing can be creative, beautiful, resourcing, but it can also invoke an inner critic, rumination and procrastination. Rachel has curated the experience to make the writing intrinsically rewarding and the journal something to treasure."
Three things help hold a kinder voice steady when your own energy is low:
- A different prompt each day, so you're never filling in the same blanks.
- Room for every feeling, so a hard day has somewhere to go.
- Gentle words already on the page, for the days you can't find your own.
You don't have to hold all of that on your own. That's what a guided journal is for.
A journal that makes room for hard days
I should tell you that The Give Yourself Kindness Journal is mine, and why it exists. For a long time, “three things I'm grateful for” made me feel worse, not better, and the journals I found made my critical voice louder. After my own recovery through Compassion Focused Therapy, I made the journal I couldn't find: one with space for how you actually feel, and a kinder voice already on the page.
The Give Yourself Kindness Journal
📔 90-day guided journal🗓️ Undated⭐ Recommended by clinical psychologists
- An emotion tool on every page, so how you actually feel always has somewhere to go
- 90 days of changing prompts, including writing to yourself as you would to a friend
- Over 50 gentle reminders that make room for hard feelings rather than asking you to cheer up
- Undated, so a missed day is never a failed one
It also includes gratitude every day, held gently alongside harder feelings rather than instead of them.
224 pages, A5, pistachio green cloth cover, 120gsm FSC-certified paper, printed in the UK.
Accredited counsellor Rachael Oliver uses the journal with her clients. She wrote:
Rachael Oliver, MBACP
Accredited counsellor, on The Give Yourself Kindness Journal
Read what therapists and clinical psychologists say →"I love using these beautiful journals with clients throughout their counselling journeys. The prompts and areas to think about are helpful to shine light on their feelings, experiences and thought processes. The way the journal is constructed helps validate their entire experience and avoid toxic positivity, encourage reflection and ownership of feelings. I love them and feel privileged to be able to use them."
Space for how you actually feel, every day, with a kinder voice already on the page.
Discover The Give Yourself Kindness Journal →
If gratitude is what you'd like to practise, I also made The 30-Day Gratitude Journal: a different thoughtful prompt each day, no lists of three, and prompts for hard days, so gratitude never asks you to pretend.
💬 30 different prompts🗓️ Undated🎧 Guided meditation
- 30 completely different prompts, so the question never goes stale
- No toxic positivity: it doesn't demand fake happiness, and you can skip a prompt that doesn't land
- Undated, so you can start any day
- A guided gratitude meditation I recorded, plus QR codes to expert articles on gratitude
Premium 120gsm paper, luxury textured cover, made in the UK and sustainably sourced.
Both are gentle companions alongside professional support, never a replacement for it.
Frequently asked questions
Is gratitude journaling toxic positivity?
Gratitude journaling isn't toxic positivity in itself. Gratitude practice has real research support when it's genuine. It becomes toxic positivity when the format demands positivity regardless of how you actually feel, with no room for a hard day to be a hard day. Amy Morin describes it as being grateful “at the expense of denying that they feel bad”.
Why does my gratitude journal make me feel guilty?
Your gratitude journal may make you feel guilty because the format asks for a fixed quota, such as “three things”, with no acknowledgement that some days that's hard to produce. The gap between what's asked and what you honestly feel is where the guilt comes from. It's a design problem, not a you problem.
What's the difference between toxic positivity and optimism?
The difference between toxic positivity and optimism is what happens to the hard feeling. Optimism makes room for it and looks for what might help from there. Toxic positivity skips past it and demands a positive spin straight away, which tends to leave the original feeling unprocessed, and can add guilt on top.
Can journaling itself cause toxic positivity?
Journaling can cause toxic positivity if the prompts are built around forced positivity with nowhere to put anything else. A journal isn't a neutral tool. Its format shapes what you write and, over time, how you relate to your own emotions. Prompts that welcome every feeling tend to do the opposite.
What should I look for in a journal that avoids toxic positivity?
In a journal that avoids toxic positivity, look for varied prompts rather than a repeated formula, explicit permission for difficult days, and space for emotions beyond gratitude. Clinical psychologist Dr Annabelle Kyle Dortch notes that Dr Kristin Neff's research “has repeatedly shown that self-compassion is key in decreasing anxiety & depression”.
Why does journaling make me feel worse?
Journaling can make you feel worse when the self-critical part of you ends up doing the writing, or when prompts ask for positivity you don't feel. Professor Willem Kuyken of the University of Oxford notes that writing “can also invoke an inner critic, rumination and procrastination”. Writing from a kinder voice, with room for hard feelings, often helps.
Is it okay to not feel grateful?
Yes, it's okay to not feel grateful. Psychotherapist Amy Morin writes: “If you aren't feeling grateful sometimes, you don't have to force it.” She also notes you can be sad and grateful at the same time. Gratitude tends to come more easily when it's allowed to be optional rather than demanded.
What should I write in my journal on a bad day?
On a bad day, write what's true first, in plain words, then write back to yourself as you would to a friend who'd had the same day. Add something you're grateful for only if it's there. One honest sentence is a complete entry, and stopping there is allowed.
Is a positivity journal a good idea?
A positivity journal can be a good idea if it lets you notice good things without asking you to ignore hard ones. It's less helpful if every prompt demands an upbeat answer. If you often close it feeling worse or guilty, a journal that makes room for every feeling may suit you better.
When is journaling not enough?
Journaling is not enough on its own if you've felt low or anxious for weeks, if writing keeps leaving you feeling worse, or if you're thinking about harming yourself. Please speak to your GP or a therapist. In the UK and Ireland you can call Samaritans free on 116 123, day or night.
Continue reading
From the psychologists and therapists quoted here
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The benefits of journaling, from 3 clinical psychologistsDr Chris Irons, Clinical Psychologist, and colleagues
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Why self-compassion works better than self-criticismAnnabelle Kyle Dortch, Psy.D., Clinical Psychologist
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How gratitude changes your brain, health and relationshipsAmy Morin, LCSW, Psychotherapist
Related guides
- Gratitude journal made me feel worse? You're not ungrateful
- Why gratitude journaling feels hard, and what to do
- How to write a gratitude journal every day
- How to use journaling to change negative self-talk
- What makes a good gratitude journal
- Best gratitude journals compared (2026)
- The best journal for mental health
- Best self-compassion journals compared
- What mental health experts say about the journals
“By far my favourite guided journal that I’ve used!”
The Give Yourself Kindness Journal is the self-compassion journal recommended by Harvard and Oxford psychologists. No forced positivity. Every feeling is welcome.
