written by Rachel Smith the founder of Give Yourself Kindness, who has worked with clinical psychologists, therapists and leading self-compassion experts from around the world to bring you the best tools to support self-compassion - helping you feel and sleep better.
Why most affirmations feel like empty promises
If you've ever rolled your eyes at affirmations like "I am a money magnet" or "I radiate perfect health", you're not alone.
Some affirmations can feel disconnected from reality—especially when you're going through a tough time. They can make you feel worse when the forced positivity you're trying to repeat to yourself, doesn't acknowledge and validate what you are experiencing.
As Dr. Chris Irons, clinical psychologist and leading expert in Compassion Focused Therapy explains, "True self-compassion isn't about bypassing difficult emotions with positive statements. It's about acknowledging our struggles while supporting ourselves through them with understanding and wisdom."
Realistic affirmations for common fears
When you fear being lazy (but need rest)
- I don't need to earn rest to deserve it.
- Taking breaks helps me work more effectively when I return.
- My worth isn't measured by my productivity.
When you fear appearing weak
- Having compassion for myself takes courage, not weakness.
- I can be both strong and kind to myself at the same time.
- I can feel both grateful AND sad, nervous AND excited, brave AND afraid...
When you fear emotional overwhelm
- I can acknowledge my feelings without being consumed by them.
- I remind myself that feelings come, and feelings go.
- I can use my breath as a tool to find calm, taking deep, slow breaths.
When you fear being selfish
- Taking care of myself helps me show up better for others.
- I can give myself kindness and know that it is not selfish.
Realistic affirmations for daily challenges
When perfectionism strikes
- I can't be perfect and I don't need to be.
- My setbacks are setups for stronger comebacks.
- I forgive myself for what I did when I was learning.
- I recognise that sometimes the only way forward is to use trial and error and that is okay.
When self-doubt creeps in
- My voice matters. My opinions matter. I matter.
- I am always worthy of respect.
- I can try, even when I don't feel 100% ready.
When you feel stuck
- I remind myself that there is always a new way to the same outcome.
- I can ask for help and know that this is not a weakness, but a strength.
- The challenges I face today make me stronger for tomorrow.
When you're overwhelmed
- I can do anything, but not everything.
- I can pause and reset whenever I need to.
- I recognise that life is hard sometimes - I try to always be gentle with myself.
When you need to set boundaries
- I am allowed to say no.
- The right choice for others isn't necessarily the right choice for me.
- I deserve to take breaks to care for my wellbeing.
- I can make time for things that bring me joy, without feeling guilty.
- I choose the way I speak to myself, and I choose kindness.
How to use affirmations (without feeling fake)
You might be thinking, "Even realistic affirmations feel awkward to say." You are not alone.
'start small, try one affirmation'
Start small. Try one affirmation, notice any discomfort, and try to not judge it, try to continue anyway. With time, although not necessarily in a straight line, the discomfort will often ease.
The 10-second affirmation practice
- Notice when your inner critic appears
- Take a breath
- Ask yourself: "Would I say this to someone I care about?"
- Choose one affirmation that feels most relevant
- Say it to yourself silently or aloud
Weave affirmations into your day
- Morning routine: Say your affirmation while brushing your teeth. A small habit that sets the tone for your day.
- Phone lock screen: Set your affirmation as your lock screen—so you see it every time you check your phone.
- Before bed: Place an affirmation card next to your bed. Those quiet moments before sleep or right after waking up are powerful times to be gentle with yourself.
As Dr. Irons reminds us, "Self-compassion is a gradual process that requires persistence and patience. It's useful to be gentle with ourselves as we navigate this journey, and to celebrate small victories along the way."
Affirmations aren't magic spells
These affirmations aren't magic spells. They're permission slips—reminders that you're human and you are doing the best you can.
'reminders that you're human and you are doing the best you can'
The most powerful affirmation might simply be acknowledging that you're trying. That counts for a lot.
Want to make affirmations easier? Let our affirmation cards support you throughout your day, giving you gentle reminders exactly when you need them. Each card is designed to meet you where you are, making self-compassion feel natural and accessible.
“I instantly feel a sense of groundedness and calm”
Affirmations can be so helpful along our healing journey. And these affirmations are truly so beautiful and powerful! When I read them, I instantly feel a sense of groundedness and calm. They are wonderful reminders for when I need to slow down and reconnect with myself. I also love that they are centered around having more compassion and kindness for ourselves. I will definitely be utilizing these with my clients, as well as practicing them myself. Thank you so much Rachel!
