Twenty affirmations for the moments you're hardest on yourself, grouped by what's actually happening. None of them ask you to pretend anything is fine.
What are self-compassion affirmations?
Self-compassion affirmations aren't about forcing positivity or pretending everything's perfect. Think of them as gentle reminders that help reshape how we talk to ourselves, like creating a wise friend on your shoulder who knows exactly what to say when you're being too hard on yourself.
They're built to work during the difficult moment rather than instead of it, which is what separates them from ordinary positive affirmations. "I am confident" is hard to accept when you're not. "I can't be perfect and I don't need to be" is something you can hold even on a bad day.
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Why self-compassion, and why it can feel uncomfortable
Many of us believe that being tough on ourselves is the only thing keeping us going. The research points the other way, and so does everyone I've asked.
Dr Chris Irons
Clinical psychologist, Compassion-Focused Therapy researcher and trainer
"Whilst self-compassion is a powerful tool for healing and personal growth, it can often evoke a significant amount of fear and resistance."
Worth knowing before you start, because if the first few feel awkward, that's the resistance he's describing rather than evidence they don't work for you.
Read Dr Irons on the fears of self-compassion →
Carrie Pollard, MSW RSW
Experienced psychotherapist
"We can't be 'too' compassionate! Practicing self-compassion provides numerous benefits to our physical, emotional, and mental well-being."Read: can you ever give yourself too much self-compassion? →
20 self-compassion affirmations
Grouped by the moment you're likely to need them. Every one of these is a card in the Give Yourself Kindness deck, and they're yours to use whether you buy anything or not.
For embracing imperfection
- I can't be perfect and I don't need to be.
- I release the pressure to make the perfect decision, a perfect decision doesn't exist.
- I can make mistakes and learn from them, without self-criticism.
- Just because I have a thought, doesn't mean it's true.
- I recognise that life is hard sometimes, I try to always be gentle with myself.
These are here to remind us that imperfection is part of being human, not a fault to be corrected.
For boundaries and rest
- I can welcome time to rest.
- I am allowed to say no.
- I don't need to earn rest to deserve it.
- I can make time for things that bring me joy, without feeling guilty.
Setting boundaries and allowing yourself to rest isn't selfish. It's an essential part of self-compassion, and these are for the days that's hard to believe.
For processing emotions
- I can feel both grateful AND sad, nervous AND excited, brave AND afraid.
- I remind myself that feelings come, and feelings go.
- I am gentle with myself if I feel things deeply, knowing that sensitivity is not a weakness.
Feeling all of it is part of being human. These help you meet your emotions with understanding rather than judgement.
For growth and learning
- I remind myself that no one was an expert before they were a beginner.
- I recognise that sometimes the only way forward is trial and error, and that is okay.
- I can try something new, make mistakes and grow.
- I choose to embrace the journey instead of being fixed on a destination.
Growth usually means stepping outside what's comfortable. These support you in meeting that with kindness rather than criticism.
For nurturing self-worth
- I am worthy now, and this will never change.
- I am deserving of love, compassion and kindness, exactly as I am.
- My worthiness of love does not depend on being faultless.
- We all deserve kindness, and 'all' includes me.
Your worth isn't tied to what you achieve or who approves of you. It's already there, and it doesn't move.
Which one to reach for, and when
If you'd rather not choose, here's the shortcut.
When everything feels like too much
"I remind myself that feelings come, and feelings go" or "I can welcome time to rest." Both say the same quiet thing: this is not permanent, and you're allowed to stop.
Just after you've made a mistake
"I can make mistakes and learn from them, without self-criticism" or "I remind myself that no one was an expert before they were a beginner." This is the moment the inner critic is loudest, and the moment an affirmation does most.
When you're comparing yourself to someone else
"I am worthy now, and this will never change." Comparison works by making your worth conditional. This puts it back where it belongs.
In the middle of a genuinely hard stretch
"I recognise that life is hard sometimes, I try to always be gentle with myself." It doesn't argue with the difficulty, which is exactly why it holds.
When you need to say no and feel guilty about it
"I am allowed to say no" and "I don't need to earn rest to deserve it." Two of the hardest on the list, and usually the two people need most.
Making them work rather than just reading them
Reading a list once feels good for about a minute. What changes anything is repetition, and repetition needs to be easy or it doesn't happen.
Start with one, not twenty. Choose the affirmation that made you flinch slightly, because that's usually the one closest to something true. Then attach it to something you already do.
- Read it while the kettle boils
- Set it as a phone reminder for mid-afternoon, when the day usually turns
- Write it at the top of a journal page before you write anything else
- Say it out loud once, if you can, because speaking involves more of you than reading
- Keep it somewhere you'll pass, and move it every few days so you keep noticing it
There's a fuller guide in how to use affirmation cards, including what to do when they feel fake.
Joanna Townsend
Psychotherapist
"Self-compassion is a language, a skill, a process. It's something we often have to learn."
Which is the kindest way of putting it I've heard. If these feel unfamiliar in your mouth at first, you're not failing at them. You're learning a language you were never taught, and nobody is fluent in week one.
Read: five ways to practise self-compassion →The same affirmations, somewhere you'll actually see them
The twenty above are yours. The difficulty is that a page you read once is a page you close, and by Thursday the words have gone.
That's the whole reason the deck exists. One card sits where you'll pass it, so the affirmation finds you on the ordinary Tuesday you'd never have gone looking for it. You draw a different one when the first stops landing. And there are sixty rather than twenty, so it doesn't run dry.
The Give Yourself Kindness Affirmation Cards
Sixty affirmations that never ask you to pretend
- Three boxed sets of twenty, sixty in total. Nothing repeats, and each set is complete on its own, so Set 1 is a proper starting point rather than a sample.
- Written on Compassion-Focused Therapy principles, which is why they acknowledge difficulty instead of talking over it.
- Recommended by licensed therapists including Margaret Davis, MS LPC and Collette Jones, LCSW, who use them with their own clients.
- Printed in the UK on luxury 270gsm card from FSC-certified forests, with plastic-free packaging.
- Add a brass stand for £3, so a card can sit somewhere you'll pass it.
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The Complete Collection includes free UK delivery. Free handwritten note if it's a gift, just add your message in the order notes at checkout.
Margaret Davis, MS, LPC
Licensed therapist, specialising in anxiety, self-esteem and self-compassion
"Affirmations can be so helpful along our healing journey. And these affirmations are truly so beautiful and powerful! When I read them, I instantly feel a sense of groundedness and calm. They are wonderful reminders for when I need to slow down and reconnect with myself. I also love that they are centered around having more compassion and kindness for ourselves. I will definitely be utilizing these with my clients, as well as practicing them myself. Thank you so much Rachel!"Read more reviews from mental health professionals →
Which set? If this is your first deck, Set 1 on its own is the sensible choice and complete in itself. The Complete Collection is worth it if you'd like one by the bed and one on the desk, or you want to keep one and give two away.
Common questions
What is a self-compassion affirmation?
A short sentence you offer yourself in a difficult moment, written to acknowledge the difficulty rather than argue with it. "I can't be perfect and I don't need to be" is a self-compassion affirmation. "I am perfect" is not, because it asks you to claim something you don't believe and leaves you further from yourself when you can't.
Do self-compassion affirmations actually work?
The wording decides it. Research on positive affirmations has found they can be ineffective or even counterproductive for people with low self-esteem, because asserting something you don't believe highlights the gap. Affirmations that make room for the difficulty work differently, and self-compassion is consistently associated with lower anxiety, less rumination and better resilience.
What's the difference between self-compassion and self-love affirmations?
Self-love affirmations tend to assert worth outright, along the lines of "I love myself completely". Self-compassion affirmations are gentler and easier to accept on a bad day, because they only ask you to treat yourself as you would a friend. If self-love language makes you wince, start here instead.
What if they feel fake or uncomfortable?
That's usual, and it eases after a couple of weeks. You're not trying to believe the sentence today, you're making it familiar, and belief tends to follow familiarity rather than lead it. Dr Chris Irons describes self-compassion evoking real fear and resistance in people, so if you feel that, you're in ordinary company.
How many should I use at once?
One. Choose the affirmation that made you flinch slightly, because that's usually the one closest to something true, and stay with it for a week. Twenty read once does far less than one read twenty times.
Can I use these while going through something really hard?
Yes, and this is the kind that suits a hard time, because none of them require you to feel positive. "I recognise that life is hard sometimes, I try to always be gentle with myself" is designed for exactly that moment. If what you're carrying is affecting your sleep, work or relationships, please also speak to a GP or a therapist.
One card, somewhere you'll pass it
Sixty self-compassion affirmations, recommended by licensed therapists, from £13.95.
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