Choosing a present for someone who's had a hard year takes more thought than the rest of the list. You'd like it to feel like Christmas, and you'd like it to say you've noticed. Wanting both is kind, and it's easier to get right than it sounds.
Quick answer
The Give Yourself Kindness Journal, the self-compassion journal recommended by Harvard and Oxford psychologists. Undated, wrapped in tissue paper, with your note written out by hand. Therapist Julie Burke, LPC-S: “This journal created by Give Yourself Kindness is such a gift.”
Julie Burke, LPC-S, therapist and private practice owner. Read her review alongside the rest
Prefer something smaller, or chosen for their situation? Six other gifts are compared below.
No forced positivity. Every feeling is welcome.
Order by Friday 18 December for UK delivery before Christmas.
About this guide. I'm Rachel Smith (DipBSoM), and these gifts are mine. I made them after Compassion Focused Therapy helped me through years of harsh self-talk, when the books I was given only told me to think positively. Everything clinical here comes from named experts. More about me
Which Christmas gift should I choose?
Choose by what this year has held for them. Each line below takes you to the gift I'd send first and the reason for it.
They've lost someone, and it's a first Christmas without them
Something they can hold, and nothing that asks them to feel better.
They're ill, or recovering, with low energy and long days
Two minutes at bedtime, and it can be done lying down.
They've lost their job, or had a hard knock at work
→ The Give Yourself Kindness Journal
For the things they've started saying to themselves about it.
A relationship has ended: a divorce, a separation, a break-up
→ The Give Yourself Kindness Journal
Something that treats them as whole, not as half of something.
They're running on empty: burnout, caring, too much at once
→ The Give Yourself Kindness Affirmation Cards
Thirty seconds is a promise anyone can keep in December.
I don't know the details, or it isn't mine to know
→ The Give Yourself Kindness Journal & Affirmation Cards
The safe answer if you'd rather not deliberate. It works on a good day and a bad one.
This is their main present, and I'd like it to look like one
→ The Self-Compassion Gift Box
The journal and a set of cards in one gift box, with a message on the outside.
It's a colleague, or someone I don't know all that well
→ A single set of The Give Yourself Kindness Affirmation Cards or The 30-Day Gratitude Journal
Both are thoughtful without presuming anything about what they're going through, and neither is large enough to leave them feeling they owe you something. Pairing two small things is often better received than one larger one.
Christmas gifts for someone going through a tough time
Seven answers, depending on what this year has held for them. Each one gives you the gift I'd choose first, with the reasoning underneath rather than in front of it, so you can take the recommendation and go if that's all you need.
Everything here is undated, and every order can carry a note in your words, written out by hand at no charge. Nothing needs to be started on any particular day.
They've lost someone
Something they can hold, and nothing that asks them to feel better.
A first Christmas after a death is its own kind of hard, and most gifts either avoid it entirely or try to lift the mood. A small object they can keep in a pocket does neither. It just sits there being true.
🤍 Small enough to keep close
- Double-sided, imprinted with the words “you are loved”
- Attached to a folded card printed “you are loved beyond measure”, with room inside for your message
- Goes anywhere: on keys, a bag, a zip, or nothing at all
- No instruction attached, and nothing to do with it
Made in the UK from pewter and stainless steel. Charm 1.5cm across, card 5.5 x 8.5cm. Write your message on the card yourself, or add it in the order notes and I'll write it out for you.
It's 1.5cm across, so it can travel with them without anyone else needing to know what it means. There is nothing to do with it, which on this particular Christmas is the point.
If you'd like to give something they can write in when they're ready, The Give Yourself Kindness Journal & Affirmation Cards is the pairing I'd choose. It's undated, so it can sit unopened for a year without becoming a reproach.
They're ill, or recovering
Two minutes, in bed, on the worst day of the week.
Illness makes a lot of thoughtful gifts quietly unusable. A book needs concentration, a candle needs getting up, a hamper needs an appetite. What tends to survive a bad stretch is something that takes one minute and can be done lying down.
🌙 For long nights
- Twenty cards to draw one at a time at bedtime
- Gentle lines such as “I release any pressure to have a perfect night’s sleep”
- Read lying down, in well under a minute
- Reviewed by a neuroscientist and sleep expert
85mm x 100mm, printed in the UK on 270gsm pistachio card from FSC-certified forests, in plastic-free packaging.
Draw one at bedtime and read it. That is the whole practice. Another card simply says “I am safe and supported in this moment.”
When I was struggling, sleep was the first thing to go, and everything felt harder after a bad night. These give the mind something gentler to land on than a replay of the day.
Olena Santangeli, PhD
Neuroscientist and sleep expert
Read Dr Santangeli’s review alongside the rest →“The sleep cards are fantastic… These cards also promote mindfulness and self-care, offering hope and support to those struggling with sleep amid life's chaos, making them a very good tool for better rest.”
They've lost their job, or had a hard knock at work
The problem usually isn't the job. It's what they've started saying to themselves about it.
Redundancy and career setbacks have a way of turning into a verdict on the person rather than a thing that happened to them. A journal built around self-compassion goes at that directly, and it's the one part of this you can actually give someone.
🏆 The one I'd choose for most people
The Give Yourself Kindness Journal
- Three months of undated prompts, with every page different
- An emotion tool on every page, so they can name what they feel even when they're not sure
- Prompts that help them speak to themselves the way they would a friend
- Over 50 gentle reminders, like “be careful how you talk to yourself, you are listening”
A5, 224 pages, pistachio green cloth cover, 120gsm paper from FSC-certified forests, ribbon marker, printed in the UK. Arrives wrapped in bespoke tissue paper.
The prompts change every day. One of them, word for word: “What has challenged you today? Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend - write down what you would say.”
They write the answer down and read it back. That second part matters, because a kind sentence in their own handwriting can be easier to hold on to than one somebody else says to them.
Rachael Oliver, MBACP
Accredited counsellor
“…The prompts and areas to think about are helpful to shine light on their feelings, experiences and thought processes. The way the journal is constructed helps validate their entire experience and avoid toxic positivity, encourage reflection and ownership of feelings…”
What this means for a gift: it gives a knock at work somewhere to go that isn't a pep talk.
Read Rachael Oliver’s review alongside the rest →Want the shorter version for someone who wouldn't sit down and write? The affirmation cards take thirty seconds →
A relationship has ended
Give them something that treats them as whole, not as half of something.
Divorce and separation gifts tend to arrive as either a joke or a rescue. Neither is much use in January. What tends to help is anything that rebuilds the relationship they have with themselves, which is usually the one that took the damage.
💚 Treats them as whole
The Give Yourself Kindness Journal
- Undated, so there is no right time to start and no wrong time to stop
- A visual emotion tool on every page, rather than one chart at the front to remember to turn back to
- A different prompt on every page, for 90 days
- Reviewed by clinical psychologists, including Dr Chris Germer of Harvard Medical School
The emotion tool matters here specifically. After a separation, “how do you feel?” is an almost impossible question, and having words already in front of you turns it into recognition rather than recall.
Dr Chris Germer, PhD
Clinical psychologist and lecturer on psychiatry (part-time), Harvard Medical School | Co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion programme, taught to over 250,000 people worldwide
Read Dr Germer’s review alongside the rest →“A warm invitation to make friends with your emotions and yourself!”
They're running on empty
Thirty seconds is a realistic ask. Ten minutes of writing is not.
Burnout, caring for someone, or simply too much at once all leave about the same amount of spare capacity, which is none. A gift that needs energy to enjoy becomes one more item on a list.
🌿 Thirty seconds a day
The Give Yourself Kindness Affirmation Cards
- Sixty affirmations across three boxed sets of twenty, available singly or together
- Written for a hard day rather than a good one, using Compassion Focused Therapy principles
- Lines like “Just because I have a thought doesn’t mean it’s true” and “I can’t be perfect and I don’t need to be”
- Made to be seen, with a brass stand to add or a copper and glass frame available separately
Printed in the UK on 270gsm card from FSC-certified forests, 85mm x 100mm, in plastic-free packaging. Suitable for adults and teens.
Prop one where they'll see it and that's the whole thing. The stand or the frame helps it look like an object rather than a task.
Margaret Davis, MS, LPC
Licensed therapist
Read Margaret Davis’s review alongside the rest →“…these affirmations are truly so beautiful and powerful! When I read them, I instantly feel a sense of groundedness and calm. They are wonderful reminders for when I need to slow down and reconnect with myself…”
Collette Jones, LCSW
Practice owner and licensed therapist
Read Collette Jones’s review alongside the rest →“…Unlike other affirmations that can veer into forced positivity, these cards focus more on affirming self-acceptance and self-compassion. Whether you need a gentle reminder to be kind to yourself or encouragement to let go of the day's stressors, these affirmations offer soothing reassurance…”
There's a reason short works here rather than a fuller practice, and clinical psychologist Dr Annabelle Kyle Dortch explains it further down this page: under stress, the reflective part of the brain is the least available thing a person has.
I don't know the details, or it isn't mine to know
Then give both, and let them choose the day. This is the safe answer if you'd rather not deliberate.
You don't need to know what happened to give something useful. Pairing the journal with the cards covers the days they have capacity and the days they don't, which is most of what anyone needs when things are unsettled.
🎄 The ultimate toolkit
The Give Yourself Kindness Journal & Affirmation Cards
- The Give Yourself Kindness Journal, for the days there is capacity
- A boxed set of twenty affirmation cards, for the days there is not
- Set 1 included as standard; ask for another set in the order notes
- The journal arrives wrapped in bespoke tissue paper
Discover The Give Yourself Kindness Journal & Affirmation Cards →
This is the pairing I'd send if I had to choose one thing without knowing anything else, and it's the closest thing on this page to a safe answer. It also means they don't have to be in the right frame of mind on Christmas Day for it to have been the right present.
If you'd like one beautiful parcel
For when this is the main present, and you'd like it to look like one.
Some presents are an addition to something else, and some are the thing they'll open last. If this is the second kind, the gift box puts the journal and a set of cards together in one box, with a message you choose for the outside.
🎁 One parcel that holds everything
- The Give Yourself Kindness Journal, three months of undated prompts
- Twenty affirmation cards, Set 1 as standard or another set if you ask at checkout
- Your choice of outside message, from six designs
- Your own words, handwritten and included inside the box
Not sure it suits them? Compare everything side by side → or read what I'd avoid giving →
The Christmas gifts compared at a glance
| Gift | Best for | What it actually does |
|---|---|---|
| The Give Yourself Kindness Journal | Being kinder to yourself, especially after a job loss, a separation or anything they've started turning inward | Helps them name the feeling, then answer it as they would a friend. An emotion tool on every page |
| The You Are Loved Charm | Grief, or a small gift that still means something | Gives them something to hold that makes no request of them at all |
| The Sleep Affirmation Cards | Illness, worry, nights the mind won't stop | A two-minute bedtime ritual that can be done lying down |
| The Give Yourself Kindness Affirmation Cards | Burnout, low capacity, feeling like they're not enough | Thirty seconds of something kinder than their own running commentary |
| The Give Yourself Kindness Journal & Affirmation Cards | When you don't know the details | Covers the days they have capacity and the days they don't |
| The Self-Compassion Gift Box | The main present, when you'd like one beautiful parcel | The journal and a set of cards in one box, with a message on the outside and your note inside |
| The 30-Day Gratitude Journal | Gratitude that feels real, never forced, for a colleague or someone you know a little | 30 days. A different thoughtful prompt each day. No lists of three |
What to avoid giving someone having a hard time
This is the part I'd most want to tell you, and it applies to any gift from anywhere. Five things that are bought with real love every December and tend to land badly, with what I'd send instead.
Anything with dates printed in it
A dated diary, a page-a-day book, a thirty-day challenge with the days numbered. If they miss a week in February the object starts keeping a record of it, and they'll often put it away rather than face the gap.
✓ Instead: look for the word undated, and check there are no dates printed anywhere rather than just none on the cover. See what undated looks like inside →
A book that tells them what to do
Self-help given as a present reads differently from self-help someone chose. It can arrive as homework, or as an opinion about them.
✓ Instead: something they lead. A prompt they can answer in one line, or ignore, keeps them the author rather than the pupil. The journal that works this way →
Anything that frames them as a project
Fitness trackers, food and weight-related gifts, planners with goal-setting spreads, anything with “new year, new you” on it. Bought kindly, and easily received as a note about what needs improving.
✓ Instead: something that assumes they're fine as they are and is simply nice to have near them. Cards written for a hard day, not a good one →
A gift that needs energy, or an occasion, to be enjoyed
Spa vouchers with expiry dates, restaurant bookings, experience days, elaborate hampers. All lovely, all requiring them to be well enough on a particular day, and an expiring voucher becomes a small deadline.
✓ Instead: something with no expiry that works on the worst day of the week, not the best. The two-minute option →
Cheering-up humour
The jokey mug, the funny book about wine, the “keep calm” anything. It's meant warmly and can land as a request to be less sad.
✓ Instead: something that acknowledges the year rather than talking them out of it. That's usually what people remember. The charm that just says you are loved →
There's one thread running through all five: a good gift here makes no request. No deadline, no improvement, no particular mood required on the day. If it can sit on a shelf for six months and still be exactly as welcome, it's likely to be the right thing.
What to write in their Christmas card
Once the present is chosen this is the bit that stalls people, and it matters more than which box you picked. You know them far better than I do, so take anything here that's useful and leave the rest.
“I know this year has asked a lot of you. This is just here for whenever you'd like it.”
“I've been thinking about you a lot. I wanted you to have something that says so.”
“No expectations attached to this at all. I just wanted you to know I'm here.”
“You've been on my mind. This felt more like you than anything else I looked at.”
“I don't know the right words, so: I love you, and I'm right here.”
“We don't know each other all that well, but I wanted you to have something kind this Christmas.”
What I'd leave out: anything that sets a task, such as telling them this will really help. Anything that names a diagnosis on their behalf. And any version of “try to stay positive”. The most useful thing a card can say is I noticed, and I'm not going anywhere.
Add your message in the order notes at checkout and I'll write it out by hand and include it with your gift, so nothing arrives with a printed card in a stranger's font. There's no charge for it, on any order. See how The Give Yourself Kindness Journal is wrapped →
Ordering in time for Christmas
Order by Friday 18 December for UK delivery before Christmas. Every order can include a free handwritten gift note: add your message to the order notes at checkout and I'll write it out by hand. The Give Yourself Kindness Journal arrives wrapped in bespoke tissue paper, and the cards come in plastic-free packaging.
- Straight to them: put their address in at checkout, and your note goes in the parcel.
- Quickly: most UK orders arrive within one to three days, and next day delivery is offered at checkout.
- No rush: nothing here has a use-by date, so ordering early simply means it's ready when you are.
Why the quiet gift is often the kindest
The quiet gift is often the kindest because a hard stretch leaves very little room for anything that asks for effort. This isn't only a feeling about gifts. Two of the clinicians who write for this site explain why the small, undemanding present tends to outperform the impressive one.
Dr Annabelle Kyle Dortch, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist, Los Angeles | Specialises in life transitions, relationships, stress, anxiety and the impacts of trauma
“When our stress response is activated, the amygdala (the emotion and crisis center of the brain) is very active and the frontal lobe (where we reflect and make decisions intentionally) is offline.”
What this means for a Christmas present: when someone is in a hard stretch, the reflective part of the brain is the least available thing they have, and a present that needs planning, energy or a good day is asking for exactly that.
Read Dr Dortch’s full article: Why self-compassion is more effective than self-criticism →
Dr Maria Tucknott
Clinical Psychologist specialising in trauma, anxiety and depression | Founder of Tucknott Psychology
“The inner critic, then, is not simply being ‘mean’ - it’s trying (clumsily) to protect us. The challenge is that this threat system often overreacts. It dominates our attention, magnifying the one rude comment over the ten kind ones, remembering the one negative review instead of the many positive ones.”
What this means for a Christmas present: it's why a hard year so often turns into a hard verdict on the person having it, and why a gift that gives them somewhere to answer that voice tends to be more useful than one that tries to drown it out.
Read Dr Tucknott’s full article: How to stop beating yourself up →Both wrote those pieces for Give Yourself Kindness. If you'd rather hear this from someone qualified than from me, they're the place to start, and neither article asks you to buy anything.
Whatever you choose, a journal or a set of cards is a companion to support, never a substitute for it. If you're worried they aren't coping this winter, gently suggest their GP. Samaritans answer on 116 123, free, any time of day or night.
Christmas can be a loud time of year to be having a hard one. A small, kind present that asks nothing of them can be the quietest way of saying you noticed.
Discover The Give Yourself Kindness Journal →
Frequently asked questions
What do you give someone who is going through a hard time at Christmas?
For someone going through a hard time at Christmas, give something that asks nothing of them. The best gifts here have no date printed in them, no expiry, and no implication that the person needs improving. An undated journal, a set of affirmation cards or a small keepsake all work because they can be picked up in March as easily as on Boxing Day. Avoid anything with a deadline attached, including dated diaries, expiring vouchers and thirty-day challenges.
Is it insensitive to give a wellbeing gift to someone who’s struggling?
Giving a wellbeing gift to someone who’s struggling isn’t insensitive if it’s framed as company rather than correction. The difference is almost entirely in the card. Saying it’s just there for whenever they’d like it reads as support, while saying this will really help you reads as a prescription. Give it the way you’d lend someone a jumper, and it lands as warmth rather than as an opinion about them.
What should you not give someone going through a tough time?
What I’d avoid giving someone going through a tough time comes down to five things: anything with dates printed in it, self-help books that instruct, anything that frames them as a project such as fitness or weight-related gifts, experiences and vouchers that expire or need energy on a particular day, and cheering-up humour. All are bought with real affection, and all quietly ask the person to be somewhere they aren’t yet.
What’s a good Christmas gift for someone who has lost someone this year?
A good Christmas gift for someone who has lost someone this year is something small and physical they can keep on them, rather than anything that tries to lift the mood. The You Are Loved Charm is made in the UK from pewter and stainless steel, imprinted with the words you are loved, and arrives on a folded card printed you are loved beyond measure with space for your own message. It asks nothing of them, which on a first Christmas is the whole point.
What do you buy someone who says they don’t want anything?
For someone who says they don’t want anything, take them at their word about the scale, not the sentiment. Something small with a handwritten note usually reads as thoughtfulness rather than obligation. A single set of affirmation cards or a small charm does that without creating any pressure to reciprocate or respond.
Is a journal a good gift for someone going through a difficult time?
A journal can be a good gift for someone going through a difficult time, with two conditions: it needs to be undated, and the prompts need to allow for a bad day rather than assuming a good one. A journal that asks for three things you’re grateful for on a hard evening can leave someone feeling worse. The Give Yourself Kindness Journal asks questions such as ‘What has challenged you today? Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend - write down what you would say.’, which has an answer on any day.
Is this appropriate if they’re already having therapy?
Yes, this is appropriate if they’re already having therapy. Accredited counsellors use The Give Yourself Kindness Journal with their own clients between sessions. Rachael Oliver, MBACP, says the way it is constructed ‘helps validate their entire experience and avoid toxic positivity’. It sits alongside therapy rather than standing in for it.
What if they never use it?
If they never use it, that’s fine, and it’s the reason everything here is undated. Nothing prints a day or a date, so there’s no gap to look at and nothing to catch up on if it sits in a drawer until spring. Having something kind within reach can matter, whether or not they ever write in it.
Can I add a handwritten message?
Yes, you can add a handwritten message to any order, and there’s no charge for it. Add your message in the order notes at checkout and I write it out by hand and include it with your gift. If you’re sending it directly to them, that’s the note they open first.
How soon should I order for Christmas?
Order by Friday 18 December for UK delivery before Christmas. Earlier is easier, and nothing here has a use-by date, so it can sit ready until you need it.
Can you send it straight to them?
Yes, I can send it straight to them. Put their address in as the delivery address at checkout and your message in the order notes, and the parcel arrives with your note written out by hand inside, ready for them to open. The Give Yourself Kindness Journal comes wrapped in bespoke tissue paper.
What’s a thoughtful gift for someone I don’t know very well?
A thoughtful gift for someone you don’t know very well is a single set of twenty affirmation cards, The 30-Day Gratitude Journal or the You Are Loved Charm. Each can carry your handwritten note, so none of them reads as an afterthought, and none is large enough to leave a colleague or a newer friend feeling they owe you something. Pairing two small things is often better received than one larger one.
What can I send someone having a hard time if I won’t see them at Christmas?
If you won’t see someone having a hard time at Christmas, send the gift straight to them. Put their address in at checkout and add your message to the order notes; I’ll write it out by hand and it goes in the parcel. The Give Yourself Kindness Journal is the one I’d choose for most people, or the You Are Loved Charm after a loss. Order by Friday 18 December for UK delivery before Christmas.
Continue reading
From the psychologists quoted here
-
Why self-compassion is more effective than self-criticismDr Annabelle Kyle Dortch, PsyD, Clinical Psychologist
-
How to stop beating yourself upDr Maria Tucknott, Clinical Psychologist
-
Self-compassion is not self-pityDr Kristin Neff, University of Texas at Austin, and Dr Chris Germer, Harvard Medical School
Related guides
- Gifts for someone going through a hard time
- Christmas gifts for someone who's hard on themselves
- Gifts for someone struggling with their mental health
- Self-care gifts for someone having a hard time
- Gifts for someone with low self-worth
- Gifts for someone with burnout
- Gifts for someone who can't sleep
- What mental health professionals say about these tools
“By far my favourite guided journal that I’ve used!”
Undated, so there is nothing to keep up with. Wrapped in bespoke tissue paper, with your note written out by hand and tucked inside.
