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Quick answer
The best journal for perfectionism is The Give Yourself Kindness Journal, the self-compassion journal recommended by Harvard and Oxford psychologists. It won't ask you to do more or do better. It asks what you'd say to a friend, and gives you room to be human: to make mistakes, feel what you feel, and still be enough.
Therapist Collette Jones, LCSW, who specialises in perfectionism, writes about the beliefs that sit underneath it: "No matter where it comes from, you can decide if you continue to hold that belief."
Collette Jones, LCSW, licensed therapist specialising in perfectionism and high-functioning anxiety. Read her full article
No forced positivity. Every feeling is welcome.
About this guide. I'm Rachel Smith (DipBSoM), a meditation teacher trained with the British School of Meditation, where I passed with distinction, and the founder of Give Yourself Kindness. The journal I recommend here is mine. I made it after Compassion Focused Therapy helped me recover, because every journal I found offered either forced positivity or the same prompts day after day, and neither reached the voice underneath. Nothing clinical on this page is my own claim: it comes from the therapists and psychologists quoted, each linked to their full words. More about me
The way you speak to yourself matters
The way you speak to yourself matters, because perfectionism is often louder on the inside than anyone can see. Collette Jones, a therapist who specialises in perfectionism, puts noticing that voice first among her six tips.
Collette Jones, LCSW
Licensed therapist and private practice owner in New York, specialising in teens and adults struggling with perfectionism and high-functioning anxiety | Writing exclusively for Give Yourself Kindness
"Oftentimes we don't even notice all the thoughts going through our heads and how many of those thoughts are us speaking negatively about ourselves."
"…We have these thoughts running through our heads all day and we don't realize that our minds and our bodies are listening."
What this means for a perfectionist: being hard on yourself isn't something you're choosing. It happens quietly, many times a day, and it lands anyway.
Read Collette's full article: Self-compassion, the antidote to perfectionism →What the critical voice can sound like
Collette gives examples of how it can sound. You might recognise some of them.
"How could I not have realized that?"
"Why did I let that bother me?"
"I should be over this already."
"I'm so stupid."
"That's probably a dumb question."
"I should have been able to do this."
Read those as though a friend had said them about herself. You'd stop her, gently but firmly.
And none of it is fixed.
Collette is clear about this. The beliefs underneath perfectionism come from somewhere: yourself, your family, your social circle, the media. Her suggestion is to meet them with a different understanding of what it means to be human:
"Remind yourself that it is okay to make mistakes and that failure is a natural part of the learning process."
Not overnight, and not by trying harder. By noticing what you say to yourself, and practising something kinder often enough that it becomes available. That's the whole job of The Give Yourself Kindness Journal, and it's why every prompt asks you to answer yourself rather than assess yourself.
What perfectionism might feel like
Signs of perfectionism can be easy to miss, because many of them look like working hard. This isn't about a diagnosis but instead so you know whatever you are expereincing you are not alone.
- Never feeling good enough despite past accomplishments, because you're always striving for more
- Standards so high they feel impossible to meet without other areas of your life suffering
- Putting things off until you have the time or ability to do them perfectly
- Avoiding challenges or new things for fear of failing or not being good enough
- Struggling to delegate
- Fear of asking for help
- Feelings of guilt and shame
- Hiding your struggles from other people
- Overthinking
- Anxiety
- Burnout
- People-pleasing
- Being overly critical of yourself and/or others
It can be a lonely thing to carry, which is part of what makes it so heavy. Collette's words on this are worth reading slowly.
Collette Jones, LCSW
Licensed therapist specialising in perfectionism and high-functioning anxiety
Read Collette's full article →"Perfectionism is often a silent struggle. Because we want others to see us as perfect, many people suffer in silence and don't realize WE ALL suffer from insecurities, need help sometimes, and don't have it all figured out. How uplifting it is to know we're all in the same boat and not alone."
What might change when the voice softens
Not perfection, and not lower standards. Something quieter than either. You might find that, over time:
- a mistake is a little easier to let go of
- you let yourself feel it when something goes well, instead of moving straight on to the next thing
- asking for help feels less loaded
- the critical thought still arrives, but you notice it as a thought rather than a verdict
As Collette puts it: "Roadblocks aren't stop signs, they're detours."
From Collette Jones's article, Self-compassion: the antidote to perfectionism
How The Give Yourself Kindness Journal can help with perfectionism
The Give Yourself Kindness Journal can help with perfectionism by turning journaling from something you could fail at into somewhere you practise a kinder voice. I made it because I needed that, and couldn't find it. It's a self-compassion journal, shaped by clinical psychologists and self-compassion researchers.
Here's how it meets the things that tend to make perfectionism heavier:
- When nothing ever feels like enough: prompts that help you let an achievement count, like "Can you think of a time when you've struggled to feel proud of something you've achieved…"
- When the critic is loud: questions that invite you to reply as you would to a friend, so the critic doesn't get the last word.
- When you're afraid of doing it wrong: in the journal's own words, "there are no right or wrong answers and there is no right or wrong way to journal."
- When you're worried you'll quit: undated pages, and every page different for 90 days.
- When a mistake replays for days: an emotion tool on every page, and reminders like "mistakes make you human."
- When you need to know it's in safe hands: recommended by Harvard and Oxford psychologists, and used by accredited counsellors with clients between sessions.
Difficult feelings are allowed in, including anxious, frustrated and disappointed. No forced positivity. It also includes gratitude every day, held gently alongside harder feelings rather than instead of them.
The Give Yourself Kindness Journal
📔 3-month guided journal🗓️ Undated⭐ Recommended by clinical psychologists
A guided self-compassion journal that helps you understand your emotions and respond to yourself with kindness instead of criticism.
- 90 days of different prompts that ask you to answer yourself, not assess yourself
- An emotion tool on every page, to help you name what's there
- Over 50 gentle reminders, like "being human means being imperfect"
- Undated, so a quiet fortnight costs nothing
224 pages, A5, pistachio green cloth cover, 120gsm FSC-certified paper, ribbon marker, printed in the UK. Wrapped in bespoke tissue paper.
Three prompts from The Give Yourself Kindness Journal
Each one uses the same gentle move: answering yourself the way you'd answer someone you love.
"What has challenged you today? Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend – write down what you would say."
"Can you think of a time when you've struggled to feel proud of something you've achieved, but if it had happened to a friend you would have felt proud, and wanted them to feel proud of themselves? Write down words of reassurance to show yourself that you deserve to feel proud."
"Notice how you are feeling right now. Think about what you would find it helpful to hear – it might help to imagine something a friend would say. Write down words to say to yourself."
That second one is the perfectionist's prompt. Many people can list what they've achieved and feel very little about any of it. You write the reply in your own handwriting and read it back. Over three months you're not filling in a book, you're rehearsing a voice until it's there for you without the prompt.
Professor Willem Kuyken, PhD, DClinPsy
Ritblat Professor of Mindfulness and Psychological Science, University of Oxford | Listed by Web of Science in the top 1% of the most cited scientists in the world
"…Writing can be creative, beautiful, resourcing, but it can also invoke an inner critic, rumination and procrastination. Rachel has curated the experience to make the writing intrinsically rewarding and the journal something to treasure."
What this means for a perfectionist: a blank page can simply hand your critic a pen. Which part of you answers the prompt is what decides whether journaling helps or hardens the habit.
Read Professor Kuyken's review alongside the rest →
Julie Burke, LPC-S
Therapist and private practice owner
"…There are affirmations throughout the journal that feel safe and encouraging to feel your feelings/experience emotions in ways that create a sense of safety and are free of judgment for yourself…"
What this means for a perfectionist: "free of judgment" is the phrase to hold on to. There's nothing in it to get right.
Read Julie Burke's review alongside the rest →
Dr Chris Germer, PhD
Clinical psychologist and lecturer on psychiatry (part-time), Harvard Medical School | Co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion programme, taught to over 250,000 people worldwide
Read every expert review in full →"A warm invitation to make friends with your emotions and yourself!"
A few honest notes
- If you'd like to compare several journals first, I've compared self-compassion journals side by side in best self-compassion journals.
- If it feels more like anxiety or overthinking, the anxiety and overthinking journal guide may suit you better.
- If perfectionism is affecting your sleep, work or relationships, there's more on support below.
Think of it as something to lean on alongside professional support, not instead of it. Counsellors often give it to clients to work with between sessions.
How to journal when perfectionism gets in the way
Perfectionism will try to turn journaling into a task you can fail at. These four gently take that away.
Before you start: there's no “properly”
Perfectionism might tell you your handwriting is untidy, that you've missed days, that you're not doing it properly. There is no properly. Half a sentence counts. "I don't know how to answer this" counts. Noticing that you're judging your own journaling counts too, and might be the most useful entry you write.
Write badly on purpose
Messy handwriting, half sentences, things crossed out. A very tidy page can be a sign you're performing rather than thinking. Nobody is reading this but you.
Write down the critic when it turns up
When "this is stupid" or "I'm not doing this right" appears mid-entry, that isn't an interruption. It's the voice itself, arriving where you can finally see it. Write it down, and then answer it as you would a friend.
A few sentences is a complete entry
There's no minimum. Perfectionism will tell you a short entry doesn't count, which is exactly the standard you're here to loosen.
Come back without a reckoning
You don't need to catch up, explain the gap, or start again from the beginning. Open it on whatever page and carry on.
When to look for more support
Look for more support if perfectionism is starting to affect how you sleep, work, feel or connect with people, or if it has been weighing on you for a long time. Please talk to your GP. Collette Jones says it plainly: "If you find that self-compassion has been a hard thing to implement on your own, it's always okay to reach out to a mental health provider who can guide you on this journey and help you break free from the cycle of self-criticism. You don't have to suffer alone."
From Collette Jones's article, Self-compassion: the antidote to perfectionism
Writing can sit alongside that support, never in place of it. And if you ever reach a point where things feel too much, Samaritans are on 116 123, any time of day or night.
A kinder place to start
You don't need to get this right to begin. A few honest sentences, written kindly, is a complete entry. If you'd like a place to begin:
- Notice one thing you said to yourself today, and write it down
- Answer it the way you'd answer someone you love who said it about themselves
- Leave it there, without tidying it up
If you'd rather not have to remember any of this, The Give Yourself Kindness Journal asks the question for you: ninety days of prompts with no dates to keep up with, and reviews from psychologists at Harvard and Oxford.
Be gentle with yourself. Being human means being imperfect, and you are still enough.
Discover The Give Yourself Kindness Journal →
Frequently asked questions
Will being kinder to myself make me lazy or lower my standards?
Being kinder to yourself doesn’t have to make you lazy or lower your standards. It’s one of the most common worries about self-compassion. Clinical psychologist Dr Bianca Nardini writes: ‘The path to self-compassion isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about changing your approach to meeting those standards—using encouragement rather than punishment as your primary tool.’ Your standards can stay. What changes is how you treat yourself when you miss them.
What are good journal prompts for perfectionism?
Good journal prompts for perfectionism ask you to answer yourself kindly rather than judge yourself. Collette Jones, LCSW, a therapist who specialises in perfectionism, recommends putting a harsh thought under gentle questioning, for example ‘Are these thoughts true?’ and ‘Am I holding myself to an unrealistic expectation?’ The Give Yourself Kindness Journal’s prompts ask what you would say to a friend, then help you say it to yourself.
I’ve quit every journal I’ve started. Why would this be different?
If you’ve quit every journal you’ve started, the format is often part of the reason, and that isn’t a failing. A dated journal shows every missed day back to you, and one repeated question can slide into box-ticking. The Give Yourself Kindness Journal is undated, and every page is different for 90 days, so there’s nothing to fall behind on and no streak to keep perfect.
What if I don’t answer the prompts properly?
If you worry about not answering the prompts properly, it may help to know there is no properly. “I don’t know how to answer this” is a real entry. So is “this prompt doesn’t fit today”. The Give Yourself Kindness Journal has no right or wrong answers, and noticing that you’re worried about doing it right can be useful in itself. The practice is showing up, not performing.
How long before I notice a difference?
There’s no set timescale for noticing a difference, and it’s different for everyone. Self-compassion is a skill you practise rather than a switch you flip, so change tends to be gradual: noticing the critic a beat earlier, or treating yourself a little more softly after a slip. Noticing the perfectionistic thought more clearly is progress in itself, even when it still stings.
Can I use it alongside therapy?
Yes, The Give Yourself Kindness Journal can be used alongside therapy. It’s used by accredited counsellors, who give it to clients to work with between sessions. If perfectionism is driving severe anxiety, burnout or low mood, please speak to your GP or a therapist. It’s there to support that work, not to replace it.
Continue reading
From the experts quoted here
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Self-compassion: the antidote to perfectionismCollette Jones, LCSW, therapist specialising in perfectionism
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Why is self-compassion so hard?Dr Bianca Nardini, clinical psychologist, London -
The benefits of journaling, from 3 clinical psychologistsDr Chris Irons, Dr Josh Mirmelli and Dr Andreas Comninos
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- A gift for someone struggling with perfectionism
- Why self-compassion is more effective than self-criticism
- What mental health professionals say about the journal
