Quick answer
If someone asks "How are you feeling?" and your mind goes blank, or you default to "fine" even when you're clearly not fine, you're not alone. Most people struggle to identify emotions because we're never taught emotional vocabulary beyond "good," "bad," "stressed," or "fine."
What helps:
- An emotion wheel, a visual guide that gives you the words you need
- Body awareness, noticing where emotions show up physically
- Daily practice, building the skill over time (emotion journaling works best)
The science behind this: when you name a specific emotion, its intensity drops. Neuroscience calls this "affect labeling," and naming emotions is what helps you regulate them.
If you want a tool for this: every entry gives you its own layout of emotion-words to choose from, never the same one twice, alongside a new writing prompt each day. It does the vocabulary part for you.
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"A warm invitation to make friends with your emotions and yourself!"Dr. Chris Germer, PhD Clinical Psychologist, Harvard Medical School
Full disclosure: I'm Rachel, and this is my journal. After struggling to identify my own emotions, I created the tool I wished existed, and it's now recommended by clinical psychologists from Harvard and Oxford. I'll still point you to therapists and free tools throughout this guide, whether or not you ever buy anything from me.
If you can't name what you're feeling, it's not your fault
Let me be honest with you: learning to identify your emotions is genuinely hard. It's not something you can master in an afternoon, it's not intuitive, and if you've spent years struggling to put words to your feelings, that makes perfect sense.
Here's why:
- You were never taught. In school you learned maths, science and history. But did anyone ever teach you the difference between disappointed and discouraged? Anxious and overwhelmed? Probably not.
- You lack the vocabulary. It's impossible to identify something you don't have words for. That's not a failure on your part, it's a gap in what you were taught.
- You may have learned to disconnect. If emotions weren't safe to express growing up, your brain learned to tune them out. That was protective then, but it makes identification harder now.
- Modern life moves too fast. Pausing to notice what you're feeling means slowing down, and most of us don't have space for that.
So if this feels difficult, please know the difficulty is valid. This is a real skill that takes time and practice to develop.
I'm not a therapist, but after my own struggle with anxiety, learning to identify what I was actually feeling through Compassion-Focused Therapy changed things for me. This guide brings together resources from licensed therapists and psychologists who specialise in emotions, along with practical exercises that actually help.
Why being able to identify emotions matters
This isn't self-awareness for its own sake. There's real science behind why emotion identification is so valuable. When you identify and name a specific emotion:
- Your amygdala activity decreases. This is your brain's alarm system. Naming an emotion tells your brain "I see this, I recognise it," which reduces the threat response.
- Your prefrontal cortex activity increases. This is your reasoning centre. More activity here means clearer thinking and better decisions.
- Emotional intensity reduces. The emotion doesn't disappear, but it becomes more manageable.
This process is called affect labelling, and it's one of the most effective emotion regulation techniques we have. In daily life it means you can respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively, communicate what you need more clearly, recognise patterns, and build healthier relationships with yourself and others.
But building this skill takes time. Be patient with yourself. Every attempt at identifying an emotion, even when you're not sure you got it right, is practice that builds the skill.
How the journal helps, in plain English
Affect labelling only works if you can actually find the right word. That's the part most people get stuck on, and it's the specific problem this journal was built to solve. It does three things, in this order, on every single page:
-
1
It gives you the words
Every entry has its own layout of emotion-words printed right there, so you're choosing from a list instead of staring at a blank page trying to invent vocabulary you were never taught.
Solves the vocabulary gap -
2
It gets you to name what's there
You pick the 2 to 4 words that fit today. That act of naming is the affect labelling above: it's what actually turns the volume down on the feeling.
This is the step that regulates -
3
It helps you answer kindly
A new prompt each day asks why you might be feeling it, then guides you to respond the way you would to a friend, rather than piling on self-criticism.
The part most journals skip
Why the layout changes every time: a fixed emotion wheel becomes wallpaper. Your eye learns it and stops reading it, so you keep reaching for the same three words. Every entry in this journal arranges the emotion-words differently, so you keep genuinely reading them, and your vocabulary keeps widening. See a real page below →
The emotion wheel: your essential starting point
Before you can identify emotions, you need the vocabulary. That's where an emotion wheel comes in. An emotion wheel is a visual tool that maps emotions from basic to complex. It starts with core emotions in the centre (happy, sad, angry, scared) and expands outward to more specific variations.
This is an actual page from my journal, not a stock graphic. The emotion-words are arranged differently on every entry, so you're never looking at the same layout twice. Tap the image to enlarge, or see the full journal →
How to use an emotion wheel
- Start in the centre, pick the basic emotion that feels closest
- Move outward, look at more specific variations. Does "sad" actually feel more like "disappointed"? "Lonely"? "Discouraged"?
- Get specific, the more specific you can be, the more helpful it is
- Allow multiples, you can feel more than one emotion at once. That's completely normal
Important reminder: there are no wrong emotions to identify. All emotions are valid information about your experience.
Try it now: tap whichever one feels closest to what you're noticing right now, and I'll show you what it can look like in the body, the same kind of noticing the page above is designed to prompt.
Anxiety / Fear
Often shows up in the body before you've consciously named it. Common signs:
- Racing heart
- Tight chest
- Shallow breathing
- Stomach knots or nausea
- Tense shoulders
- Restless legs
Anger / Frustration
Common signs:
- Heat in face or chest
- Clenched jaw
- Tight fists
- Tense shoulders
- Feeling of pressure building
- Rapid breathing
Sadness / Grief
Common signs:
- Heavy chest
- Lump in throat
- Low energy
- Heaviness in limbs
- Hollow feeling in stomach
- Watery eyes
Joy / Excitement
Common signs:
- Lightness in chest
- Warm feeling
- Energy or buzzing sensation
- Relaxed muscles
- Smiling naturally
- Open, expansive feeling
Shame / Embarrassment
Common signs:
- Heat in face (blushing)
- Want to hide or shrink
- Tight chest
- Lowered gaze
- Stomach drop
- Slumped posture
Overwhelm / Stress
Common signs:
- Racing thoughts
- Difficulty focusing
- Tight all over
- Shallow breathing
- Headache or pressure
- Fatigue despite being "wired"
Everyone experiences emotions differently. These are common patterns, but your body may signal emotions uniquely. Nothing here is saved or sent anywhere.
A real page from The Give Yourself Kindness Journal. The emotion-words are laid out differently on every entry, so this exact page never repeats.
5 practical exercises to build emotion identification skills
These exercises range from quick daily practices to deeper explorations. Start with what feels manageable, and remember: consistency matters more than perfection.
1Daily emotion check-in (2 minutes)
What it is: a brief morning or evening practice using the emotion wheel.
How to do it:
- Set a consistent time, morning or evening
- Look at the emotion wheel
- Ask yourself: "What emotions can I notice right now?"
- Circle or note 2 to 4 emotions
- Don't overthink it, your first instinct is usually helpful
Why it works: regular practice builds emotional vocabulary naturally. Within 2 to 3 weeks, you'll start noticing emotions throughout the day without needing the wheel.
Tip: keep an emotion wheel visible, on your fridge, desk, or phone background.
2Body scan for emotions (3 to 5 minutes)
What it is: using physical sensations to identify what you're feeling.
How to do it:
- Pause and close your eyes, or soften your gaze
- Scan your body from head to toe
- Notice: where do you feel tension? Tightness? Heaviness? Energy?
- Use the interactive guide above to connect physical feelings to emotions
- Name what you find: "This tight chest and racing thoughts, that's anxiety"
Why it works: emotions live in your body. When you can't name an emotion mentally, your body often knows.
3Emotion journaling (5 to 10 minutes)Most effective
What it is: a structured daily practice that combines emotion identification with self-compassion.
Why this is the most effective exercise: unlike brief check-ins, journaling creates a consistent record over time. You build emotional vocabulary, recognise patterns, and practise responding to emotions with kindness, not just identifying them.
How it works:
- Use an emotion guide, a visual reference to provide vocabulary
- Identify 2 to 4 emotions, what can you notice from today?
- Write 3 to 5 sentences, explore why you might be feeling these emotions
- Respond with compassion, what would you say to a friend feeling this way?
What emotion journaling actually looks like
When you can't name it at first
Emotions noticed: sad, disconnected, restless
"I feel kind of sad today but I'm not sure why. Nothing particularly bad happened. Looking at the emotion wheel, maybe it's more like 'disconnected' or 'restless.' Sometimes emotions just show up, and that's okay. I don't have to figure it out or fix it right now. Maybe I just need to be gentle with myself today."
Why this works: you practised identifying emotions even when uncertain. The emotion wheel helped you get more specific than just "bad."
Multiple conflicting emotions
Emotions noticed: excited, anxious, doubtful
"Starting this new job next month feels exciting and terrifying at the same time. I keep doubting if I'm ready, wondering if I'm going to mess something up. But I also know I wouldn't have gotten this opportunity if I wasn't capable. Both emotions can be true, I can be nervous AND ready."
Why this works: you identified that you can feel multiple emotions at once, and conflicting emotions can coexist.
Try it yourself
There's no emotion that's "wrong" to feel. Pick 2 to 4 words that fit what you're noticing right now (the wheel above is a good place to start), then write 3 to 5 sentences about why. If you can, finish with what you'd say to a friend who felt this way.
That's the whole practice, the same one behind the real journal page you saw earlier. If that felt useful, the Give Yourself Kindness Journal gives you a new page like it every day, with a fresh layout of emotion-words each time. If you'd like to see how it compares to other options first, here's the full comparison.
4Pattern tracking (weekly review)
What it is: reviewing your week to spot emotional patterns and triggers.
How to do it:
- At the end of each week, review your emotion check-ins or journal entries
- Look for patterns: when do certain emotions show up most?
- Note triggers: what situations or interactions consistently bring up certain feelings?
- Celebrate what's working: what brought you joy, peace, or contentment?
Why it works: individual moments of emotion identification are helpful, but patterns give you powerful data. After 2 to 3 weeks you'll have insights like "I'm more irritable when I don't sleep well" or "Talking to my sister lifts my mood."
5The "friend perspective" exercise (as needed)
What it is: using compassionate distance to identify emotions you're judging yourself for.
How to do it:
- Notice when you're feeling something but judging yourself for it
- Ask: "If my friend was feeling this way, what emotion would I think they're experiencing?"
- Name it for them: "They seem really hurt" or "They sound overwhelmed"
- Extend the same clarity to yourself: "I'm feeling hurt" or "I'm overwhelmed"
Why it works: sometimes we can clearly see emotions in others but struggle to name them in ourselves, especially if we think we "shouldn't" feel that way.
A journal designed for building emotional literacy
After struggling to identify my own emotions during anxiety recovery, I couldn't find a journal that actually helped with this specific challenge. Every journal I tried either asked "How do you feel?" with no guidance or vocabulary, used the same repetitive prompts that made my brain go on autopilot, or pushed toxic positivity when I was genuinely struggling.
So I created The Give Yourself Kindness Journal to solve those three problems specifically.
- 90 unique prompts
- A fresh emotion-words layout every page
- Undated format
- Research-backed
- 57+ five-star reviews
- Used by therapists worldwide
£28.95
Free UK delivery on orders over £35. Duties and taxes are prepaid for US orders, so there are no surprise charges on arrival.
- 90 unique prompts, with a different emotion-words layout on every page
- Undated format, so there's no guilt when you miss days
- Recommended by clinical psychologists from Harvard Medical School and Oxford
- Used by therapists with clients in over 30 countries
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What makes it work for emotion identification
- An emotional awareness tool on every single page. Not just at the front, on all 90 pages, so the vocabulary is always in front of you at the moment you need it.
- Prompts that explore, not just name. Each day helps you understand why you're feeling what you're feeling.
- Self-compassion built in. Based on research showing that how you respond to emotions matters as much as identifying them.
- 90 unique prompts. Each entry approaches emotions from a different angle, so your brain never goes on autopilot.
- Undated format. No guilt when you miss days, because life happens.
One honest note: this journal is a self-guided tool, not a diagnosis or a replacement for therapy. If identifying emotions feels consistently very difficult even with practice, that's worth exploring with a professional. There's a section on that below.
What mental health professionals say
These are reviews from clinicians who use the journal with their own clients. Tap any one to read the full set of expert reviews.
Dr. Chris Germer, PhD
Clinical Psychologist, Harvard Medical School. Co-developer of Mindful Self-Compassion
"A warm invitation to make friends with your emotions and yourself!"
Professor Willem Kuyken, PhD, DClinPsy
Ritblat Professor of Mindfulness, University of Oxford. Top 1% most cited scientists worldwide
"The journal is rooted in state-of-the-art research that emphasizes the importance of understanding our emotions in order to lower stress and lead a happy and meaningful life. Rachel has curated the experience to make the writing intrinsically rewarding and the journal something to treasure."
Carrie Pollard, MSW RSW
Experienced Psychotherapist
"Being able to identify what you're feeling and compassionately explore the 'why' is central to self-connection and self-growth. The Give Yourself Kindness journal is a steady guide in this process. It helps you name and process your emotions, identify what you need to cope, and give yourself the same compassion you would a loved one. This is by far my favourite guided journal that I've used!"
Dr. Chris Irons
Clinical Psychologist. CFT Researcher and Trainer
"Supportive, encouraging and containing, whilst also helping people to explore and learn how to manage their emotions with compassion. Highly recommended."
Expert-written resources on understanding emotions
These articles are written by licensed therapists and psychologists who specialise in emotions. They give deeper understanding of common challenges with emotional awareness.
Margaret Davis, MS, LPC
Licensed Therapist specialising in anxiety, relationships, self-esteem, and self-compassion
Author: "5 Myths About Emotions"
What this article covers: the common misconceptions that make emotion identification harder than it needs to be, including why suppression backfires, why all emotions are valid, the problem with intellectualising, why conflicting emotions coexist, and how self-judgment creates suffering.
"All of our emotions are okay. We have a broad range of emotions over a large spectrum, and each of them are welcome. We don't have to label an emotion as good or bad. Instead, it can simply be what it is, without any judgment from ourselves."Read: 5 Myths About Emotions →
Dr. Laura Berssenbrugge
Licensed Clinical Psychologist, DBT Specialist. Expertise in anxiety, OCD, emotion regulation, and stress-related disorders
Author: "Riding the Wave of Emotions"
What this article covers: after you identify an emotion, what do you do with it? Dr Berssenbrugge teaches Dialectical Behaviour Therapy's Opposite Action technique, the 5-step process, specific strategies for sadness, anger, fear, guilt and shame, and when to act opposite to your emotional urge rather than honour it.
"By intentionally acting in opposition to the impulse fueled by the emotion, Opposite Action provides a way to disrupt harmful behavioral patterns. The next time you find yourself riding an emotional wave, remember: you have the power to choose your response."Read: Riding the Wave of Emotions →
What if you really can't identify any emotions?
For some people, identifying emotions is extremely difficult even with practice and tools. If this sounds like you, you might be experiencing something called alexithymia.
What is alexithymia?
Alexithymia is difficulty identifying and describing emotions. It's not a mental health disorder, but it can co-occur with anxiety, depression, autism, ADHD, and PTSD. Signs you might experience alexithymia include difficulty distinguishing between emotions and physical sensations, limited ability to describe feelings to others, difficulty identifying what you're feeling even when you know something is off, and a tendency to focus on external events rather than internal experience.
If you think this applies to you
- Start with body sensations. If you can't name emotions, start by noting physical feelings. "My chest is tight" is a valid starting point.
- Work with a therapist, especially one trained in somatic therapy, DBT, or Compassion-Focused Therapy. They can help you build this skill gradually.
- Be patient with yourself. For some people, emotion identification is genuinely harder. That doesn't mean you're broken, it means you need more support.
- Use the emotion wheel frequently. Even if it feels mechanical, regular exposure to emotion words helps your brain build connections over time.
Important: if you're struggling significantly with identifying or managing emotions, please work with a qualified mental health professional. These exercises are supportive tools, but they're not a replacement for therapy when you need additional support.
Common questions about identifying emotions
How long does it take to get better at identifying emotions?
Most people notice significant improvement within 2 to 3 weeks of consistent practice. You'll start recognising emotions during the day, not just during practice, catching them earlier, and using more specific words naturally. After 2 to 3 months of regular practice, emotion identification becomes much more automatic. But please be patient with yourself. This is a real skill that takes time to develop.
What if I look at the emotion wheel and still can't identify what I'm feeling?
This is completely normal, especially when you're starting. First, try body sensations instead: notice where you feel something physically, then use the body signs guide to connect it to possible emotions. Second, start with the basic categories of happy, sad, angry or scared, and see which feels closest, even if it's not quite right. Third, it's okay to write that you're not sure but something feels off, because that's still valuable awareness. Over time, this gets easier.
Can you feel multiple emotions at the same time?
Yes, and this is completely normal. As therapist Margaret Davis, MS, LPC explains in her article 5 Myths About Emotions: maybe we are trying something new and it feels both exciting and scary at the same time. Or we made a tough decision for ourselves and might feel both relieved and sad at the same time. Emotions that seem conflicting can often co-exist together.
Is it normal to not know why I feel a certain emotion?
Absolutely. Sometimes emotions arise without a clear trigger, and that's okay. You don't always need to know why to benefit from identifying what. Simply naming that you feel sad right now helps regulate the emotion, even if you're not sure what caused it. Sometimes the why becomes clear later, and sometimes it doesn't. Both are fine.
Should I try to change or fix emotions after I identify them?
Not necessarily. The goal of emotion identification is understanding and regulation, not elimination. After identifying an emotion, ask whether it points to something you need. If it does, take action. If not, practise allowing it to be there without judgment. Dr Laura Berssenbrugge's article Riding the Wave of Emotions gives detailed guidance on responding skilfully to different emotions.
Do I need to journal to identify emotions, or are the other exercises enough?
You don't need to journal, but it's the most effective practice for building lasting skill. Brief exercises like the daily check-in help, but journaling gives you consistent practice, a record to spot patterns, integration of self-compassion, and deeper exploration. Most therapists recommend journaling as the foundation, with other exercises supplementing it.
What's the difference between identifying emotions and ruminating about them?
Identifying emotions is noticing and naming: I feel disappointed right now. Ruminating is repetitive thinking that doesn't lead anywhere: why do I always feel disappointed, what's wrong with me? Healthy emotion identification has a quality of curiosity and acceptance. If you notice you're spiralling into self-criticism, that's rumination, so gently redirect to simply naming and accepting what's there.
I have alexithymia, will these exercises still help?
Yes, but expect slower progress and please be patient with yourself. Start with body sensations, exercise 2 above, since physical feelings are often more accessible than emotion words. Use the emotion wheel regularly even if it feels mechanical. Most importantly, work with a therapist trained in somatic approaches or DBT who can support you with emotion identification as part of your treatment.
Ready to make this a daily practice?
90 unique prompts. A fresh emotion-words layout on every page. £28.95.
Shop The Give Yourself Kindness Journal →Continue reading
"We don't have to label an emotion as good or bad. Instead, it can simply be what it is, without any judgment from ourselves."
Margaret Davis, MS, LPC · 5 Myths About Emotions →
"You have the power to choose your response," the Opposite Action technique for working with difficult emotions.
Dr Laura Berssenbrugge · Riding the Wave of Emotions →A full, honest comparison of the Give Yourself Kindness Journal against other guided journals and apps for tracking emotions, including when each one makes sense.
“By far my favourite guided journal that I’ve used!”
There's a lot of journals out there. Most of which include tools that can be repetitive, boring or unhelpful. Give Yourself Kindness is about creating something new.
