written exclusively for Give Yourself Kindness by Georgia Jackett, MA, CCC a Canadian Certified Counsellor who helps individuals and couples flourish in their every day life.
Home feels safe, comfortable, inviting, and warm
When the sunlight drifts on your face as you take that first sip of steaming coffee.
When a close friend invites you to their cozy dinner party and says, “make yourself at home”, you know you can relax and be yourself, embracing the meaningful conversation and scrumptious food.
'you know you can relax and be yourself'
Or when you have a long, exhausting workday, and you snuggle into the sheets feeling safe and warm, leaving the pressures and deadlines behind.
Feeling most at home is one of the best parts of life
When you make a house a home, it’s a process of furnishing the rooms and making it your own - putting art on the walls, adding textures and tones, creating spaces where you can eat, sleep, create, exercise, play, relax, and engage in conversations.
Often when people think of home, they remember the people who showed them love. They think of the family who went out of their way to make them feel seen, safe, special, and welcomed.
Home is where kindness and compassion are extended. Where sacrifices and love are shown.
What if home could be more than a place or person.
What if home was also what you felt within yourself?
Take a moment to zoom into your internal world. Does it feel chaotic, anxious, or unsettled?
Maybe your childhood home felt this way, or maybe you’ve been managing a lot of things in life and feel worn down. Maybe you feel lost or disconnected from yourself, and you want to find your way back home to you.
Look inwardly with curiosity and ask yourself:
Does your internal world feel like home? And what does “home” mean to you?
You can create HOME
It is possible to create your own definition of home, and how that is experienced for you, internally.
- Where your internal world feels safe, comfortable, inviting, and warm.
- Where you feel at peace, and your mind is an encouraging place to be.
- Where you live a life of embracing acceptance and self-compassion.
- Where you choose a lifestyle of feeling at home within yourself, through the mountain-top highs and the dark, stormy lows.
4 tips on being at home with yourself
Taking care of you
A lot of work goes into a home - just think of all the chores you do!
And a lot of work goes into a life where you are well, within.
Start with the basics: Sleep, nourishing your body, exercise, hydration, self-care, hygiene, and safety. Proactive self-care is about prioritizing your needs to function well.
'Proactive self-care is about prioritizing your needs to function well.'
It’s tuning into what you need (emotionally, physically, socially, spiritually, relationally, personally, etc.), and meeting those needs before you crash.
'Reactive self-care is when the crash already happened'
Reactive self-care is when the crash already happened, and you attempt to take care of yourself after.
Both are needed - focus on proactive self-care to reduce the need for reactive self-care.
Consider two ways that you can look after yourself better. How could you implement these today?
Slowing down and being present
Take time to notice what’s around you, getting in touch with the five senses of sight, touch, sound, smell, and taste.
'take time to notice what’s around you'
These sensory experiences help us stay grounded and present in the moment. Staying present keeps us attuned to our internal experiences, rather than dwelling on the past or future.
'help us stay grounded and present in the moment'
Just like you notice the warmth of a room, the first sip of coffee, or the cozy sheets - observe what’s happening for you internally.
Notice your emotions, notice the tension in your body, notice any inner conflict. Stay curious and take a moment to just be with what you feel.
You can move away from the inner critic, the harsh judgments, and insecurity when curiosity leads to understanding and compassion.
Compassion sounds like:
“It makes sense that I feel anxious, and I also know I can do this”.
“Things have been hard for me lately, I can understand why I’m tense”.
“Two values are at play for me here, it’s okay to feel the conflict in this”.
Slow down and take time to be with your internal experience, leading with compassion.
Cleaning out the closets
Does your life align with your values?
Those relationship patterns that keep you stuck, the childhood wounds, the behaviours linked with shame, the pain of trauma, or anything that takes away your peace. Have you stuffed these in a closet, and shut the door?
'a slow and meaningful process'
If there are parts of you that don’t feel comfortable, that’s okay. When you are ready to do the work of healing, please know that you do not have to open those doors all at once - it can be a slow and meaningful process.
Professional guidance from a licensed therapist can help unpack those closets and offer the support you need to reconnect with yourself. This can lead to functioning in more effective ways that are in better alignment with who you desire to be.
Exploring the levels
Picture your internal world having different floors with the main floor representing comfort, enjoyment, and rest.
The basement holds the depth within you and the upper floor makes space for growth.
Put these journal prompts into action to get to know yourself better. Be more at home with yourself.
Main floor (COMFORT, ENJOYMENT, REST):
What three things bring me the most comfort?
What gives me life, and what drains me?
When do I feel truly rested? Do I need more of this?
Basement (DEPTH):
What are my deepest desires and longings?
What are my deepest fears?
What is my purpose, what is my meaning in life?
Upper floor (GROWTH):
What ladders am I climbing (where do my time and energy go)? Do I need to refocus?
Are there any closets that need some cleaning or re-organizing? What kind of support do I need to work through this?
If I were 80 years old looking back at myself now, what would I tell myself?
It takes time to build a home
Your internal world can be a place of warmth, compassion, and curiosity.
It takes time to build a home and it can be an impactful journey.
Take care of you, take it slow, clean the closets, and keep exploring so that you can say to yourself, “Welcome Home”.
Georgia Jackett, MA, CCC, is a Canadian Certified Counsellor who helps individuals and couples flourish in their every day life. She specializes in areas of anxiety, relationships, and trauma work, and holds a Masters Degree in Counselling Psychology from Trinity Western University.
Her private practice, Well Within Counselling, is located in Steinbach, Manitoba, where she meets with her clients. She believes in the deep meaning of cultivating secure attachments with ourselves and in our relationships. When she’s not working, you can find her gardening, cycling, cooking, or spending time with her family.
Website: www.wellwithincounselling.ca
Instagram: @wellwithincounselling
